By Colleen Kettenhofen
“It’s not about being better than others. It’s about becoming better than ourselves.”
Colleen Kettenhofen
Your rockiest relationships can serve as your greatest teachers, and springboard you toward your greatest desires. Mine certainly have! Sometimes we learn how we never want to be from observing other people. Most of the proven tips for my “Secrets for Dealing with Difficult People” programs have come from personal experience. I’ve learned to make lemons from some pretty sour people.
What gave me a new leash on life was recognizing it’s about them. Difficult people are often unhappy people. Misery loves company. Don’t accept the invitation. Because if we’re still analyzing and dissecting everything they’ve said a week later, they control us. I’ve reached a point where I say the following mantra silently to myself: “THIS is a test. This is ONLY a test. This will NOT be important in 10 yrs!” Chances are it won’t be important even a year from now.
Understand where this difficult person in your life is coming from. Know it’s often a dark place of deep insecurity. They make themselves feel better by belittling you. Don’t fall prey to their disparaging remarks. Pretend you’re a duck. Let their comments fall off your back like water and roll into the gutter where they belong. Don’t communicate too much to “stand your ground.” You’ll only fan the flames of contentiousness. Don’t add fuel to an already explosive fire. Detach and move away from the fire. Otherwise, it’s YOU who gets burned.
This is why we can discover a lot from dogs. My dog, Joy, is a bright shining light in a sometimes dark world. For example, it’s amazing to see the joy (if you’ll pardon the pun) on people’s faces when they see her wet nose and wagging tail. She lives up to her name. My mom, Janet, used to say, “We can learn how to treat people from dogs.” She would exclaim, “They’re happy to see you. They show appreciation, kindness and love to almost everyone they meet.” My mother was this way. (Kind of get a lump in my throat hearing her voice and feeling her presence!) I want to emulate Janet. And I want to be like Joy. Observing Joy causes me to reflect and ask the question, “How much light do I want to have brought into this world?”
The challenge with difficult people is this: Not only do they lack bringing light. Difficult people are experts at snuffing out your candle flame. They know all the right buttons to press if you’re not wearing your bulletproof vest. They steal your joy and hijack your spirit. Difficult people suck the life out of you…which is why they’re called Emotional Vampires.
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Colleen Kettenhofen is available for seminars, keynotes and breakout sessions by calling (623)340-7690 or, toll free (800)323-0683.
Colleen has two NEW books being published in June 2010.
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